Why Your Feedback Sandwich Might Be Melting Before It Lands

We’ve all been taught the so-called “ice cream sandwich” approach to giving feedback:

• Start with something positive,
• Deliver the constructive message,
• End with something encouraging.

It sounds reasonable. Kind, even. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: this approach is more about easing your discomfort than driving their development. And worse—it’s not supported by how people actually process information.

Enter the Serial Position Effect.

Psychological research tells us that when people are presented with a list of information, they tend to remember:

• The beginning (primacy effect), and

• The end (recency effect),

• But often forget the middle.

So, when your constructive feedback is sandwiched between two scoops of positivity, it risks being the very thing they forget. You walk away feeling like you’ve ticked the box of feedback delivery—meanwhile, they walk away thinking, “They said I’m doing fine.”

What’s the alternative?

If the goal is clarity, growth, and real change, then your feedback needs to land clean and stick strong. That doesn’t mean abandoning empathy or positivity—it means structuring feedback in a way that matches how people remember.

Here’s a more effective formula:

• Lead with context: Why this feedback matters, and what’s at stake.

• Deliver the core message directly: Be specific, behavioral, and clear.

• Invite reflection or response: Let them process it with you.

• Reinforce support: End with a forward-looking statement that shows your commitment to their development.

This isn’t being harsh—it’s being honest and helpful. People can’t act on feedback they don’t remember.

So before your next feedback conversation, ask yourself:

Are you giving them what they need to hear or what’s easiest to say?

Let’s move from melting sandwiches to memorable conversations. Feedback is a gift—but only if it gets unwrapped and used.